Hello everywhere and everyone.
Today we will talk about how much money you have to give to a bar girl in Thailand so you can put your ding dong inside her dong ding for a 3 minute endorphin ride.
Because lets face it, you’re a big loser and you never get laid back home. When your dick first gets the taste of pussy you can’t hold it for longer than 3 minutes.
You’re a joke and I’m laughing.
In fact, that’s why you’re on this site in the first place because you searched for some despicable search term only a loser would think of because you have no life except watching dwarf porn and jerking off. What a life…
But don’t worry. I’m a loser too. After all I’m the asshole who write all this despicable nonsense. So don’t worry we’re in the same boat… 🙂
I was thinking about making a fancy blueprint graphic in Photoshop for this blog post but then I realized Google can’t read pictures so it would be really bad for the SEO and you would never find this post in Google after you’re done masturbating. I also suck as much in Photoshop as your life so it would probably look like total horse shit.
Anyways. Back to topic.. 🙂
Money is a question I get almost weekly despite that I talk about prices in almost every post on this page that deals with naughty things. I guess people can’t read! These emails usually look like this:
Joseph. Here is your answer despite that I just made a damn long post about every beer bar in Pattaya with prices and all that good stuff.
I will pull together the perfect grand blueprint for you that you can use whenever you need it… You are free to bring this to the bar to see if you get a good deal or not but that is entirely up to you!
This blueprint will apply for short-time, if you are wondering about long-time see further down.
I will start this blueprint with what I pay a hooker to let me put my ding dong inside her… you get the point here.
What do I pay..?
I pay 1500 baht for short time because I’m such a handsome young gentleman. I have swag. I have a YOLO aurora around me. I’m 185 cm high, I have beautiful Aryan looks, blue eyes and a nose Asian girls can’t resist. I take a shower two times daily, I work out regularly and I dress to impress.
In fact, bar girls pay ME for sex because they want my babies. Fuck yea!
So this blue print start on 1500 baht because that’s the best price you’ll ever get as you can’t beat me. When I roll down Walking Street Pattaya beer glasses drops, people stop working for a moment and glaze in my direction.
Under will follow a long series of variables that can influence the final price for you Joseph.
For every question add or subtract from 1500 baht. A calculator might come in handy.
How hot is the girl?
Very hot: + 1000 baht
The girl next door hot: + 500 baht
40 year old with love handles and strange wounds in the face: – 1000 baht
Does the girl know she’s hot?
Yes: + 500 baht
How ugly are you?
Very ugly: + 500 baht
Very un-ugly: – 500 baht
How big is your beer belly?
Don’t have: 0 Baht
A football: + 200 baht
A basketball: + 300 baht
A bean bag: + 700 baht
How big is her tits?
Doesn’t influence price.
Where did you find this girl?
Bangkok: + 1500 baht
Phuket: + 1000 baht
Chiang Mai: – 200 baht
A smaller town or island: – 500 baht
Not in Thailand: Why are you here?
Did the bar girl eat Somtam yet?
No: + 50 baht
Do you smell a mixture of beer, foot-sweat, cigarettes and decayed gums?
Yes: + 500 baht
No: – 200 baht
Are you a stereotypical Indian guy?
Yes: + 1000 baht
Are you black?
You’re in the wrong country sorry mate (no hate). Pro tip: Go to South America they love big dicks over there.
How much bling are you wearing?
A lot of bling: +1000 baht
A little bit of bling: + 200 baht
Typical 50 year old man bar outfit: + 500 baht (because you’re obnoxious)
How much money does the girl think you’ll pay?
See step above
As you can see. There are many factors that decide the final price of a bar girl. In fact it’s pretty fucking hard to answer.
The “up to you” price tag
Sometimes when you ask a girl for the price she will answer “up to you”. This can mean three things:
- She is bored to death, had her daily dose of somtam, her three loser boyfriends who send money from abroad are offline and she like you slightly more than a random person walking past her bar.
- She is a degenerate just like you and don’t want to agree on a price in the bar so she can make a scene later in your hotel so you pay her a lot of money. (unlikely)
- She’s out of money and doesn’t care pay her whatever you have.
How do you know the difference? I don’t know. Do I look like a mind reader?
If you don’t know what Somtam is you haven’t done your research on Thailand. Google it and shame on you.
Every time you send me a mail asking me the price I get a email in my inbox. I think I’m popular and have swag and all that shit expecting some nice offer from an escort site who want to buy ads on my site but then it’s just another loser who can’t fucking read before he asks.
It’s not easy to be me…
If you’re asking about the price I’ll assume you don’t have much money. You’re much better off signing up for Thai Cupid. There you can find a girl who will touch your weenie for free if you know what a shower is. It’s amazing.
Over and out.
And by the way… For long-time just add on another 1500 baht on the total sum. Easy as that!
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