How to get in trouble in Thailand

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Here are some simple rules to follow when you are visiting Thailand. Personally I have never had any serious trouble when visiting Thailand. You won’t either if you follow these rules!

 

Don’t talk about the king

Thai people genuinely love the King, some even look at the King as a semi-God. The King have been in power since 1946 and for most Thais the King is the only King they have ever known. 

Don’t do anything that is disrespectful against the king, the queen or the royal family in general. Thailand actually have a Lèse-majesté law that makes it illegal to make fun off or criticize the royal family.

Many countries have this law but in Thailand they will actually use it. It’s not a sleeping paragraph. A lot of foreigners are in prison right now, for many years, because they did something disrespectful against the royal family.

When you arrive Thailand you will see pictures of the king and the queen everywhere. On the roads, in malls, in bars and on money. Never do anything that can be perceived disrespectful against these pictures.

Never run into a bar and yell something like “I’m the King here”. You never know who is listening. A lot of Thai people have limited English skills and might misinterpret you.

 

Don’t discuss politics

This rule might be ignored if you have a Thai friend that is really close, and that you know you can trust. But as a general rule never discuss politics in Thailand. Thailand have had some unrest the last years because of politics.

People have been beaten, even killed because of this. Bangkok also had a bomb going off outside a shrine some time ago. I think they never actually figured out why this happened (I might be wrong).

Anyways. Just don’t discuss politics here. It’s not your country, and the politics are Thai peoples business, not yours. If someone asks you, or want to know your opinion, just say you don’t care about politics and that you know nothing about Thai politics.

 

Don’t do drugs

People will offer you drugs here, especially in the tourists areas of Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket. Never ever take these offers! You never know what could happen, and Thailand have some pretty strict drug laws. You could risk LIFE in prison if you get caught with drugs. Yes LIFE. 

Stick with booze and banging hot Asian girls. You will never get in trouble for that.

 

Don’t fight, argue or act angry towards Thai people

Thai people are nationalistic. If you have a fight or a loaded argument with a Thai person. Thai people close by will pretty much always take the Thai persons side. Who is right does not matter.

If you are treated unfair always make your complaint in a slow and calm fashion. Never make a scene or act angry. In Thailand being angry is seen as a very bad thing, and people might team up against you just for the fact that you are angry. For a Thai person, you being angry can be just enough evidence to conclude that you are a bad person.

Thai men might be short and tiny. But they are fast and they never fight alone. If you get in a fight with a Thai person you will loose. Fighting happens back home too, but normally we stop the fight when one of the parties are on the ground. In Thailand they will continue to kick you when you are on the ground.

I have witnessed one fight in Thailand, and it was not pretty. The foreigner was unconscious lying on the ground, while 6-8 Thai men was kicking him in the back, stomach and head. I don’t know what the foreigner did.

Don’t be a hero

Do you see someone having a fight? Do you see a Thai man beating up his girlfriend or destroying her motorbike? Don’t try to stop it. I know I sound like a pussy now, but you never know what the outcome can be for you.

For all you know the Thai guy have a knife or a gun, while high as fuck on Ya Ba. Or the girl and the guy team up beating YOU up instead! You are a foreigner, and in their head you should not intervene in how THEY solve their problems. That is the mentality by a lot of Thais.

If you get in a fight here no one will help you. Not before the Thai guys have left and you are lying on the ground bleeding. Security guys will mostly stand by just watching and the police will probably not be there before the situation is long over.

 

Use condoms with hookers

This one should not be necessary to add, but it amazes me how many guys out there who simply wont use a condom. Not even with hookers. If you hate condoms, toughen up and ask a normal girl out instead. Thai girls are not hard to ask out. Then you can go together with that girl to a clinic and get tested for HIV. That way you don’t end up with HIV, herpes or syphilis. Should be pretty simple.

About 2% of Thai population have HIV, and I believe that number is much higher as soon as you enter a gogo-bar or a beer bar.

Getting HIV sucks, you can never fuck again without a condom, unless you are a complete asshole, and it sucks for your health and your wallet, depending on what country you are from.

 

Don’t flash with money

This one is true for all countries in the world, especially third world countries. Flashing bling bling and money won’t impress anyone, except the thugs and robbers that want to rob you.

You should always dress nice in Thailand, but do it in moderation. You don’t need to have 100000 baht in your wallet and wear your 4000$ watch here. It will only attract robbers, gold diggers and other bad stuff. Just bring what you need for the day, nothing more.

 

Smile

If you follow these rules, you will probably never get in trouble in Thailand. Just smile and be happy, and Thai people will smile and be happy too!

Thai people are super friendly and you will have an awesome time here! 

 

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