Location Report | Thailand – Phuket

Location Report Phuket

Time for another location report here at Goodbye Boring Life. 😀

Today I will tell you about my favorite place on earth. I know it’s a cliche, but there is a reason why Phuket is so popular.

You have the crazy nightlife, hot women everywhere, monger options for a million years, best beaches in the world, endless side trip options, world class food, luxurious resorts, cheap hostels ++. Everything you will ever need you’ll find at this island.

Every time I’ve been in Phuket I’ve had a awesome time. And it’s really one of those places where you can say goodbye to your boring life forever.

Last time I was here, I stayed for free with a Thai girl that I met at Thai Cupid. That saved me for a shit ton of money in accommodation. 😀

Unfortunately, last time I was here there was a big forest fire over in Indonesia and all the smog came over to Phuket. So some og my pictures from Phuket look like shit. 


Available girls (6/5)

Regular girls (non hookers)

I’ve already said many times on this site that the further south you go in Thailand, the uglier the local girls get. That is also true for Phuket but what is special here is that people come from all over Thailand to live of the tourism.

You can meet girls here from Chiang Mai (which are the most beautiful girls in Thailand imo). You can meet girls from Bangkok, Sukhothai, Chiang Rai and the Isaan region.

People come from all over Thailand to work here. So that is why Phuket still get a 5/5 rating from me.

Best ways to meet girls in Phuket is to sign up for Thai Cupid before you come here. That way you don’t have to waste any time when you are in paradise looking for girls when you just want to chill on the beach. You can also work up a little harem of girls that are ready to meet you here if you use Thai Cupid. If you don’t like the first girl, you have backup. 😀

Last time I was in Phuket I lived with a Thai girl that I met at Thai Cupid over in Phuket Town. I had a great time and when she had time of work, we went on road trips around the island and even took a 3 days trip to Singapore.


Tourist pussy

If a sweaty tourist pussy with a bikini line tan is your thing, you have a lot of opportunities at this island. Phuket is probably the most popular place in Thailand for tourists from the US and Europe. You will find a shit ton of nightclubs and bars that are catering to tourists only, much like Kaosan Rd in Bangkok.

However, if you really want to go crazy with the tourists, you should take the 5 our trip over to Koh Pha Ngan where the Full Moon and Half Moon parties are taking place. Here you have a much bigger concentration of farang pussy.




Where do we even start?? 😀 😀

The biggest concentration of bars and go-go bars with hookers are found at Bangla Rd in Patong west on the island. This place is simply madness and you could swim in pussy in this street alone for the rest of your life.

IMG_1031Some of the bar areas in Bangla Rd is at the size of hockey fields. Hundreds of bars with 10-15 girls in each bar, ready to entertain you at any moment. + all the gogo-bars and freelancers along the beach promenade.

Patong is simply nuts.

You also have minor girl bar areas in the other towns in Phuket such as Kata beach and Karon beach.

On the east side of the island there is not much going on that is catering to tourists, but you have some soapy massages that are catering to Thai men. Not to mention all the massage parlous where you could get a happy ending.


Party situation (6/5)

In Patong you will find whatever you are looking for. Chill bars, big nightclubs, lounges, beach parties and a lot more.

I will not go in to much detail about the nightlife in Phuket because I’m almost done with a big nightlife guide for Phuket. I will post the link here when I’m done. Stay tuned. 😀


Stuff to do (6/5)

This is what I love about Phuket, and why it is my absolute favorite place until now. You have an unlimited amount of stuff to do here. That combined with all the Thai girls that moves here to work in the tourist industry + the craziness of Bangla Rd makes it such a unique place in Thailand. Not to forget that it is a beautiful tropical island. You simply can’t run out of shit to do here.

Phuket is tourist destination nr 1 in Thailand. You can do all the normal tourist activities here. You have 3-4 amazing beaches here with all the typical tourist stuff. Paragliding, jet-skis, beach massage ++

Kata beach some kilometers south of Patong have perfect waves for beginner surfers. A lot of people come here to learn the basics.


Side trips

If you are staying in Phuket you have a lot of possibilities for side trips. If you want only a day trip away from Phuket you could go to Phang Nga national park or the islands Koh Yao Noi and Koh Yao Yai. Perfect places for day trips.

Koh Yao Noi have some of the most amazing beaches I have ever seen, and there are almost no tourists out there so you will get them by yourself. Bringing a Thai girl here that you found in Phuket would be really nice. There are some resorts out here that are really hidden and quiet, so if you want to stay more days you could. With or without a Thai girl.

If you want to see how rural Thailand is, without going far from Phuket, go to Koh Yao Yai. People are still living in huts out there and there are almost no establishments. This island doesn’t even have a 7/11, that is crazy because 7/11 is literary everywhere in Thailand. 😛

If you want to travel further, you should definitely check out Phi Phi and Koh Lanta. Perfect for 2-3 day trips. You could also take the boat over to Krabi and stay there some days.


Phuket International airport

Another awesome thing about staying in Phuket is the airport. If you stay here you don’t have to fly to Bangkok to get out of Thailand. Phuket have a ton of international flights. Singapore, Hong Kong, Siam Reap, Ho Chi Min to mention some of them. You can also fly to Pattaya and Chiang Mai directly from Phuket. Check Momondo for cheap flights.


Other stuff to do in Phuket

Here are some of my favorite things to do in Phuket:

Phuket shooting range – Shoot with guns, rifles, shot guns, machine guns ++. Really fun.
Big Buddha – Travel to the highest mountain in Phuket. There you will find a gigantic Buddha.
Thunk-Ka Café – Amazing view. You can see big parts of the island here while you eat.
Surfing at Kata beach – Perfect spot for beginners. 100 baht per day for surfing board.
Bang Wad Dam – A slightly chilled place perfect for jogging if you’re into that.


Rent motorbike

Average price for renting a motorbike at Phuket is 200 – 250 baht. Go explore every corner of this beautiful island. Good memories!


Cost of living (3/5)

Phuket is the most expensive place in Thailand. No wonder considering how popular this island is.

However. It’s mostly accommodation and transport that are expensive. If you can avoid that you could get by just as cheap as other places in Thailand.

Sign up at Thai Cupid, find a Thai girl that will let you stay in her apartment and maybe fuck you for free. There you just saved 4000 baht in accommodation and a hooker per night. 😀 Rent a motorbike and you won’t need to take taxis everywhere either, and stick with the 50 baht Thai food.

If you are lucky, like I was, the Thai girl that you are staying with have a motorbike that you can borrow for free. You see? There are always possibilities in Thailand. 😀

Another aspect of costs in Phuket is that it is so easy to spend money. The tourist areas are designed to suck money out of you. There are stuff to do, stuff to buy, stuff everywhere. 40 baht here, 40 baht there, before you know it you have burned off your entire budget.

In Patong there is a girl ready to suck your dick on every corner, and in the bars there are hot girls everywhere that really know how to suck every baht out of you.

If you are on a budget in Phuket you really need to have some self control, or you will run out of money before you know it.

Find a girl at Thai Cupid, stay with her. Avoid taxis, eat local food and have some self control in the tourist areas. If you can pull that off, you should be fine.


Safety (4/5)


Patong Hill Rd
Patong Hill Rd

Some of the roads in Phuket is fucking nuts. Especially the road from the airport to Patong. To get to Patong you have to drive over a hill. That road is steep as fuck and very heavily trafficked. A lot of buses have crashed in this hill road because of malfunctioning brakes etc.

I would never take a bus over that hill, so be careful. Take a taxi instead. It’s more expensive but who cares. Better to survive than saving money. 😛

Another road that is even more nuts is the mountain road up to Big Buddha. The crazy part is that BUSES are driving up that road. If you want to go up there, rent a motorbike and drive yourself. I would not trust a Thai driver with their “mai bpen rai” attitude in that hill for a million dollars.



Phuket is the biggest tourist destination in Thailand. A lot of money is flowing around and this will of course attract money hungry thugs.

Most of scams that are going on are simple crimes like theft and robbery. Nothing dangerous but still a bummer to lose all your money, especially if you are stupid enough to travel without travel insurance.

Scams should be simple to avoid as the thugs target mostly tourists that are wasted on alcohol. Just take it easy on the booze if you are traveling around alone. Don’t bring more money out than you need for a night.

There are been some cases where group of Thai thugs have beaten the shit out of tourists. My take on this is that the tourist did something to piss of the thugs. If you avoid being confrontational and loud you will most likely never be subject to their violence.



Thailand just had 11 bombs going off different places in south in under 24 hours. Two of these bombs went of in Phuket. I don’t know what to make out of this yet.

Bombs are going off regularly in south, but tourist towns have never been targeted before. This is something new. Lets hope the Thai police will find out what is going on, and lets hope that it never happens again.


All in all Phuket is a pretty safe place if you just watch out for the things I have already told you. Be nice, don’t be confrontational, relax and have fun. and you will be just fine. 😀



Phuket is absolutely my favorite place in the world right now. This is really an awesome place. You are on a tropical island that have everything a man can dream of. The crazy nightlife, more women you can ever handle, amazing food, first class shopping malls, the nature, the side trips, the wild life, beaches, diving, surfing, all kind of activities, amazing resorts, small hostels, awesome roads for motorbikes, mountain restaurants, monkeys, elephants  ++++.

You will never run out of shit to do here.

It comes for an price, but if you follow my tips about signing up for Thai Cupid and find a girl that you can stay with, show you around and fuck you for free. You can really say goodbye to whatever boring life you had before Phuket. 

Phuket is paradise! 😀

Total Score

Available girls:     6/5
Party situation:   6/5
Stuff do to:           6/5
Cost of Living:      3/5
Safety:                   4/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       25/ 25

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