How to plan a perfect vacation in Thailand

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What’s up guys? Tim here again from Thailand. ūüėÄ

Another day in Paradise just passed by and I just had a really interesting conversation with a gentleman from Mexico here at Koh Tao.

We were discussing that no matter what your reason for going to Thailand is, there is something for everyone. And that is really true!

20160615_153249Every time I meet a¬†new person down here it’s always interesting to hear why they’ve come to Thailand because everyone have different reasons. Sometimes I even say “Can you even do that in Thailand?”, because I had no idea it was possible here, whatever it is.

Some guys come here to beat their old record with how many hookers they put their dick in last time, others some here for the crazy farang parties at Khaosan Rd, or the full moon / half moon down in south.

Others come here to see breathtaking temples, old ruins or to trek deep in the jungle up in north. I’ve even met a dude that¬†was planning to become a munk!

Then you have all the men that comes here to find girlfriends or a wife, because as I have said earlier, Western women sucks, and you should not date them.

There is really something for everyone down here.

In this post my goal is to give you an idea of where you should travel in Thailand, depending on what your purpose of visit are. 

One thing I do recommend for every one that is coming to Thailand whatever reason is to stay in Bangkok 2-3 days on arrival. This is because if you come all the way from EU or US, you will have a terrible jet-lag and feel exhausted after the long flight.

Rushing it in the beginning is not smart, and can make you exhausted or give you a bad head start on your trip making you feel tired for many more days than if you just took it easy in the beginning.

When I came Thailand on vacations. I always took 3 days in Bangkok. This was also a good opportunity to get custom made shirts and suits started, and made, while I traveled all around Thailand.

I also recommend that you stay in one place at least a week. That way you can get a good feel for the place, and start to know what you have to do to have a good time at that location. If you change location every second day you will spend almost all of you vacation on a bus, train or in airports / flights. Because stuff don’t happen fast in Thailand.

 

Route 1: Whore mongering

If your purpose of coming to Thailand is to just have sex with a lot of different girls just to dump them when your balls are drained. There are really just three locations that should concern you.

That is Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket.

You could stay in Bangkok 2-4 days on arrival just to get rid of the jetlag. Check out all the famous red-light districts like Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza, Patpong and all the soapy massage parlors up in Huai Khwang along Ratchadaphisek Rd. 

PattayaFrom there on you have a couple of alternatives, you could go to Pattaya or Phuket. Phuket is one hour away with airplane while Pattaya is 2 hours away with bus.

Chiang Mai could also be an alternative. However, I have to be honest, the mongering scene there is pretty sad at the moment and if you are staying more than 1 week you will run out of hot women.

All the hot girls go to Pattaya, Bangkok or Phuket anyways because they can make much more money there.

If you are coming to Thailand for more than three weeks, you could also mix it up by staying one week in Pattaya, then take an airplane from Pattaya to Phuket. Stay in Phuket for one week. Then airplane from Phuket back to Bangkok when you are going home.

Pattaya and Phuket are both party towns, and you could stay here a million years without running out of hot hookers ready to empty your balls.

 

Side trips in Pattaya

If you need a brake from the mongering or feel an urge to do some exploring. There are some alternatives in Pattaya for that. You could go to Koh Larn, a small island just an hour away with boat from Pattaya.

If you need a complete break from Pattaya and sleep a complete new place you could take the bus down to Koh Chang or Koh Samet.

 

Side trips in Phuket

Phuket have a lot to offer when it comes to side trips and exploring. Good if you want to take some pictures that you can send home so people don’t think the only thing you have been doing is banging hookers and get your dick dried out in the massage parlors. ūüėÄ

You really need to check out the islands Koh Phi Phi, Koh Lanta and Pileh Lagoon. Then you have the national park Phang-Nga just north of Phuket, a very beautiful place.

If you want to have a look at how “real” Thailand is, without going far from Phuket. You can check out the islands Koh Yao Noi and Koh Yao Yai. Those islands have very little tourist development and people are still living in huts out there. Koh Yao Noi actually have a lot of beautiful beaches, and you can get them all alone!

Koh Yao Noi
Koh Yao Noi

It’s easy to get around Koh Yao Noi and Koh Yao Yai, local people are renting out motorbikes at the boat pier for 200 baht per day. ūüôā

Read my how to plan a sex trip to Thailand guide here to get more tips and to find out how much money you should bring.

 

Route 2: Exploring Thai culture and temples

If you are not a horny asshole like myself, and want to learn about the Thai culture and see temples, you should really be looking at places that are north of Bangkok.

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If you arrive Thailand through Bangkok, you can start with visiting Grand Temple, Wat Pro, take a boat trip at the Chao Praya River and explore the side streets of Bangkok with local Thai people or with a tuk tuk driver. Bangkok have a lot of temples all around city, and many of them are very beautiful.

When you are done with Bangkok you should really be thinking about heading north. Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai are good places for exploring Thai culture, but I have a better route for you if you don’t want to rush.

IMG_5518Start of in Bangkok, take the train from Bangkok to Ayutthaya, stay in Ayutthaya a couple of days to check out the ruins there. When you are done with Ayutthaya, continue with the train up to Phitsanoluk, a medium sized city in the middle of Thailand.

Here you can see how regular Thai people live, and you will get a lot of funny stares as there are almost no tourists here. Thai people will constantly ask you why the hell you are in their city (not in a hostile way, just because they are curious.)

When you are done in Phitsanoluk, take the one hour bus trip to Sukhothai, and enjoy the old ruins of Siam Kingdom. Check out my location review of Sukhothai here.

Then you take the bus from Sukhothai all the way up to Chiang Mai. That trip takes about 5 hours.

In Chiang Mai there is a lot to explore, people here are super friendly and laid back. Rent a good bike and explore the mountains in the area around Chiang Mai. Exploring the mountains around Chiang Mai is one of my best memories from Thailand.

But the most interesting about Chiang Mai is the vibe of the city. It’s a vibe that is impossible for me to explain. You just have to go there and feel it for yourself. Maybe it is the beautiful temples that are on every corner, or all the friendly laid back people, or the mountains in the horizon that is always barely visible? I really don’t know…

 

Route 3: Finding a girlfriend or wife

If your purpose of visiting Thailand is to find a girlfriend or a wife, you should also head north imo.

You could also stay in Bangkok, but if you are new to Thailand that can be very challenging as the city is chaotic and smelly. Getting anywhere is hard because of traffic jams and your ears will be raped by traffic noise and construction work.

I have already written a post about how you can find Thai girls here, but I have not written about where you can find them, so I will do that here.

 

Bangkok

Bangkok have an unbelievable amount of women. Just think about it. Hotels, shopping malls, hospitals, hostels, restaurants, sky bars ++. All of these establishments are all over town and they are mostly driven by Thai women.

Then you have the office girls that work for different companies and all the girls that work in government office jobs. You can really find whatever you want here.

If you plan is to find a girl in Bangkok, I recommend from the bottom of my heart that you sign up for Thai Cupid. This dating site have over a million users and many of them are right there in Bangkok. ūüėÄ

Another good thing about Bangkok is that a lot of people talk English here.

 

Chiang Mai

Chiang Mai is really unique in Thailand. The city is awesome and it has a very special vibe you can not find anywhere else in Thailand.

People here are generally super friendly and if you are looking for a girl with good attitude and vibe. You should absolute give Chiang Mai a shot.

Chiang mai is much less crowded than Bangkok, and it is generally much more comfortable to stay here, especially long time.

Less crowded does also mean less girls to pick from, but Chiang Mai is still a pretty big city with over almost 200.000 residents, so finding a girl should not be any harder than in Bangkok imo.

Chiang Mai
Chiang Mai

 

Women in the country side and smaller cities

Finding women in the more rural areas of Thailand is also a possibility. The thing about Thailand is that the further away you are from civilization you are the more friendly are the people. I’ve met some really cute and sweet girls in no-where places.

The problem is that it’s highly unlikely that you will find a girl there that talks English. So be prepared to learn a new language. Another consequence of this is that it’s almost impossible to keep in touch when you get home, as she don’t speak English.

 

White and dark skinned girls

When I first started to travel Thailand I really enjoyed the dark skinned girls. They were more exotic for me and I just liked that they had some tan.

Lately I have started to enjoy white skinned girls more and more. The reason for this is that they are usually more educated, have better attitude and they talk English.

In Bangkok you get both type of girls, but if you want to go outside of Bangkok you will find more of white skinned girls up in north, while dark skinned girls are mostly in northeast (Isaan) and south.

In south the girls also have more curves and are usually pretty short. In north they are whiter and are taller and/or more skinny.

 

Route 4: Party like a maniac

If you are just coming to Thailand to party like a rock star, and are not interested in Thai culture, the hookers or in finding a girlfriend. Thailand have something for you too!

You just want to party hard together with like minded tourists from all over the world!

In Bangkok you should check out Khaosan Rd. That street is packed with backpackers and tourists dancing in the streets until sunrise.

When you are done with Bangkok you should move on south.

 

Phuket

Phuket have a shitload of bars and nightclubs that are catering to tourists that just want to party hard. You also have the popular tourist islands such as Koh Phi Phi not far away with beach parties and cozy bars filled with smelly American girls.

But the mother of all parties are not in Phuket, that party is 150 km up northeast in the Gulf of Thailand.

 

Koh Pha Ngan

At Koh Pha Ngan you have the famous Full Moon party. The mother of beach parties. 30.000 – 100.000 people goes here once a month (depending on season), to party hard at the Haad Rin beach southeast on the island.

You also have Half Moon Festival two times a month inside the jungle between Thong Sala and Haad Rin. 5000 – 30.000 people goes here two times a month to party hard until sunrise.

Read my full location review of Koh Pha Ngan here.

 

Route 5: Mixing it up!

This is my style of traveling. Only banging hookers in Pattaya for three straight weeks is too much for me. I’m turning 30 very soon and I’m not filled with hormones 24/7 with a constant boner anymore.

I like to take a couple of days here, then go to a new place, maybe check out Chiang Mai to look for some new beer bars, then head down to Phuket to check out a new island that I have never been too, or go to some rural town in central Thailand that no one have hever heard of.

However, mixing it up like that is not for beginners, and if it is your first time in Thailand you should probably stay at 1 or 2 places on your first trip if you are staying for 2-3 weeks.

Getting around in Thailand can be a nightmare at times and nothing sucks more than to spend your entire vacation inside a minibus, train or at a domestic flight.

 

Conclusion 

As you can see, Thailand have something for everyone. And I have just talked about 4 different travel styles / purposes. I have not even touched on forest trekking, study Thai language or becoming a munk! That will be for another guide. ūüėÄ

If you have any question don’t hesitate to ask me in the comment section.

 

Peace!

 

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