Location Report | Koh Chang – Thailand

Happy New Year guys! 😀 

Time to start the new year with a fresh location report straight from my new favorite island in Thailand; Koh Chang! 😀

Holy shit did I have a great time. The vibe on this island was absolutely fantastic! 😀

I spent one week here. The three first days with a hot girl from Bangkok, after that she had to go back to Bangkok to work, which gave me a great opportunity to explore the more dirty aspects of the island (hookers, dirty massages and booze 😀 ).

In fact. I’m seriously thinking about packing my shit and get my ass down to Koh Chang for a longer period. I’ve been in Bangkok way too long, and I find myself thinking more and more about the time I lived at Koh Pha Ngan. I really miss the simple life, that was after all why I moved to Thailand.

Island life in Thailand is really amazing and I think I just found my new home. I love the relaxed lifestyle and vibe.

 

Koh Chang explained

Where to stay at Koh Chang?

Where to go at Koh Chang

 

Westside of Koh Chang

This is were 99% of the stuff is going on. The entire westside is filled with resorts, bungalows, restaurants, bars and beaches in varied degree. But to be more exact:

Northwest Koh Chang

This is where you’ll find white sand beach. The beach was great, but personally I didn’t like this area of the island. It’s too crammed with resorts, bungalows, annoying beach sellers, malls and other shit. Tourism have trashed this area completely. 🙁

Not to mention that it’s extremely expensive to stay here in high season. I looked at some 4-5 stars resorts and they demanded 15.000 baht per night. Fuck that shit…

I remember I was at Koh Chang back in 2012 and this area was not nearly as developed as it is now. They’ve really raped the beauty of this once little charming town. In 2012 you could see the beach from the main road, today you can only see 2-3 floor buildings stuffed with Pizza Company’s and Family Marts. It’s really sad.

Midwest Koh Chang

I didn’t explore this area so much. Seems to be just like white sands beach, but with less development, more high-end resorts and a shittier beach. Nothing to see here.

Southwest Koh Chang

This was my favorite place on the island. It had the perfect balance between developments and nature. Not so much development that it destroyed the beautiful surroundings, but not so little that you were practically out in the jungle.

This area also had several beautiful and relaxed beaches. Nature Beach, Lonely Beach, Lisca Beach and BangBao Beach. The beaches in south also had much less beach sellers, which was nice.

If you’re into smoking weed Southwest seems to be the place too. You had Rasta beach and Rasta View. The last one a restaurant with a Rasta / Bob Marley theme. Weed was not at the meny, but it smelled weed everywhere in this area. So it can’t be hard to get. 🙂

I was also told, by several people, that police never went south of white sand beach. So it should be very safe to smoke here. 🙂

 

Eastside of Koh Chang

Nothing happening here. Mostly Thai people living in this area.

Southeast of Koh Chang

This is where I spent the three first night with my Bangkok girl. We spent the on a hideaway bungalow resort all the way down south on the island. This resort is not on Agoda or Booking.com. You can find it here on Google maps. It’s called Tantawan Bungalows.

1km north of Tantawan Bungalows you have Long Beach. If you really want to hide away this place is for you. The beach is about 1km long and the days we were there it was maybe 10 people on the beach.

North of Long Beach there was a small restaurant selling refreshments, coconuts and Thai food.

 

Available girls (3/5)

Koh Chang had a lot of cute girls around the island. This kind of surprised me because the local girl situation on most islands in Thailand is complete shit. Maybe the fact that Koh Chang is on the east side of Thailand, next to Cambodia, have something to do with it? Just a thought…

There is no secret that the longer south you go in Thailand, the uglier the local buffe becomes. 🙁

Regular girls

If you want to hook up with regular girls on Koh Chang. Online dating, the malls and BangBao pier is your best bet. There are Tesco Lotus and BigC malls all around the island. Here you can enjoy AC while you try to hit up some local cuties.  

BangBao Pier is also a pretty good spot. This is a gigantic pier southwest on the island with its own marked..! The pier is about 1km long and on each side of the pier there are small houses with shops and restaurants. A lot of hot girls here. 🙂 They even have their own hospital on the pier.. Wtf…

Hookers

In each town down the Westside of the island you will find bars with bargirls. The biggest bar complex is in the town of white sand beach, Had Sai Khao. Then the bar complexes get smaller and smaller the more south you go on the island. When you get all the way down to Lonely Beach, there was just one bar with bargirls…

I did see some hot girls in the bars, but it’s limited. If you’re staying at Koh Chang for more than 2 weeks you will have to use the same girls over again.

Farang girls

There are a lot of farang pussy on white sand beach, BangBao beach and Lonely beach. In fact, there are a ton of farang pussy everywhere on this island. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of them are coming here with their boyfriends from back home.

Party situation (2/5)

The party situation on Koh Chang is relaxed. There are no crazy nightclubs here that are full every night of the week. The nightlife here mainly consist of small bars with a laid back vibe. Some bars will have live music x amount days of the week.

Southeast on the island reggae seems to be the main theme. I love reggae, so that doesn’t bother me.

Lonely beach seems to be the place where young tourists and backpackers gather to have beach parties. A little bit like Full Moon party at Koh Pha Ngan, but on a much smaller scale. I spent the new years eve on Lonely Beach, and it was hundreds of people there. Great fun!

 

Stuff to do (5/5)

Oh man. This island is epic! There is so much fun stuff to do.

Chill on the beautiful beaches, flirt with Thai girls, go on crazy motorbike adventures, explore the rain-forest and the waterfalls, go on a mountain-hike, go scuba-diving, bang some hookers, play guitar on an open scene at the reggae bars, relax, go on beach parties, get to know new people, try amazing Thai food, buy an old dirtbike for 3000 baht and fuck it up offroad, go shoot guns at the shooting range.

It’s a lot of stuff to do here. 🙂

But I’m happy with just the fact that it’s a beautiful tropical island with just enough hot Asian babes for a man to get by. 🙂

My favorite thing to do on Koh Chang however was to drive the motorbike. I even rented a 600cc sport bike for two of the days. GREAT FUN! There are a lot of fun curvy mountain roads on the islands to test your riding skills.

On the eastside of the island there are many straight roads with zero developments where you can push the throttle to max.

I met a lot of other bikers on the island, and one of the days I was following them all the way southeast on the island back to where I spent my three first days with the Bangkok girl.

Long beach restaurant
Long beach restaurant

 

Cost of Living (5/5)

Koh Chang can be very cheap and very expensive. It depends on where you stay. The most expensive area of the island is Had Sai Khao where you’ll find 5 stars resorts that goes for 15.000 baht per night in the high season. You can get a good deal if you book your hotel early from agoda.com or booking.com.

If you go more south on the island around Lonely beach or BangBao beach, you’ll find a lot of cheap bungalows with ok standard. I saw bungalows as low as 150 baht!!!

You won’t find these super cheap bungalows at agoda.com or booking.com as far as I know (correct me if I’m wrong). You’ll have to go there yourself and ask for room. The cheapest I saw was at Rasta View Bungalow for 150 baht per night, you can see location at google maps here.

Food was very cheap too. I ate most of my food in the small local Thai restaurants. I ate my usual dishes like fried rice, pad krapow and Geang Ped. I paid between 30 – 60 baht for these dishes.

I also ate a really tasty pizza at a restaurant called Sleeping Owl. See location here.

50 baht fish :)
50 baht fish 🙂

It’s completely possible to live of 400 baht per day on Koh Chang, with accommodation included. If you want motorbike make it 600 baht. That’s pretty good if you ask me. It won’t be fun to live that cheap forever, but if you are making an online business it can be a great way to save money while you work, for a while. 🙂

If you have a local girl to have fun with, you have everything you need! A place to sleep and work, a tropical island, cheap healthy food, transport and pussy.

 

Safety (5/5)

I have nothing to say really. The only thing I would be careful with are the songthaew taxis at night. Especially when it’s raining. There are some crazy mountain roads between the towns at the island.

The worst road are between the west-side of the island and the ferries to the mainland on the east side. Consider renting a motorbike by the ferry if you want to drive that road yourself, and not in the back of a old beaten up pickup truck.

Thai people have no fucking clue about road safety. I prefer to drive myself whenever I have the opportunity.

Southeast of Thailand, Koh Chang included is the area of Thailand with the highest malaria risk. So if you are staying in a cheap bungalow you should probably buy a mosquito net.

 

Conclusion

As I said in the beginning of this post. I’m seriously thinking about moving to Koh Chang. I’ve been in the big city for too long. I’m ready to live the laid back lifestyle again with beaches and coconuts. I also miss riding bikes on a regular basis. You can’t do that in Bangkok because of all the traffic jams.

Hot season is right around the corner too, and I’m not very keen on living in Bangkok. When it’s 40 degrees celsius it really helps with an ocean and a motorbike to cool off. 🙂

My nasal congestion gets worse by the day living in Bangkok from all the pollution too. You can’t even see the sky here because of all the skyscrapers. I need a break from that. If I need to go back to Bangkok it’s only 5 hours away with bus. It’s not that bad, there is even an airport in Trat if I need to get to Bangkok fast.

I really liked Koh Chang. It had a good mix between developments and maintaining nature (except white sand beach). The local people here where really friendly, the ‘regular’ tourists stays at white sand beach and the backpackers where not as annoying as on Koh Pha Ngan. Maybe Koh Chang attracts a different type of young backpackers? I don’t know..

I also know that I will save a lot of money if I move to Koh Chang.

The only part that makes me skeptical about living on Koh Chang is the rainy season. I’ve heard it’s really really bad, with the most rainy days in all of Thailand. I can believe that because when I was driving my motorbike around the island a lot of the roads where broken or limited because of flash floods or heavy rain.

Rainy seasons is still 5 months ahead in time, so I should not worry about that right now. 🙂

If you want to be a butterfly and go nuts with a new girl every night. Forget about this island. The island is just too small, and the population is to low. A key to being a successful butterfly is staying low. As soon as a local girl on this island start to date a farang, I’m sure the entire island knows it in two days. Be careful.

 

Total Score

Available girls:     3/5
Party situation:   2/5
Stuff do to:           5/5
Cost of Living:      5/5
Safety:                   5/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       20 / 25

 

Have you been at Koh Chang? What did you like about the place? Tell me in the comment section.

Location Report | Thailand – Koh Yao Noi

Hi guys! What’s going on? 😀 

Time for another location report here at Goodbye Boring Life.

Today we will go off-road here in Thailand. Not many people have heard about this island despite its location just outside Phuket. That is sad because this is one of the most beautiful islands I’ve ever been to in Thailand.

Koh Yao Noi Beach
It’s unreal!

It’s rural, untouched and have some of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen in Thailand.

Some of these beaches are world-class and because there is very little development here you will get the beaches for yourself.

 

I spent three days here last year when I was in Phuket long-term. My plan was to stay here for only two days, but then I fucked up and missed the last boat back to Phuket. I did not have hotel for the night so I ended up crashing with a Thai women and a french guy that lived just next to the pier LOL 😛

 

Available girls (1/5)

Normal girls (non hookers)

Don’t panic! Here is the deal with this island. 95% of the people who lives here are muslims. That is all fine but hitting up with a muslim girl is not really optimal as most of them can’t have sex before marriage. Their religion puts a lot of brakes on what they can do or not do.

A lot of the girls that lives here or have their family here ends up in Phuket anyways. That is where the universities and jobs are.

If you want to have a girl with you when you are at this island you have to find her in Phuket before you go here. Then you bring her out here to relax in one of the few, but very luxurious resorts that you will find out here. 😀

 

Hookers

There are no hookers or bars with red light activity on this island. Maybe you could get a happy ending in one of the massage shops west on the island. Comment below if you have any inside information. 😀

 

Party situation (0/5)

Sorry guys. Because the island is mostly consistent of muslims there are not much nightlife activity going on out here. I did not find _one_ bar here. If you want to drink you’ll have to drink inside the hotel resorts or buy beer at 7/11.

 

Stuff to do (3/5)

Not much traffic
Not much traffic

Here is the thing with this island. The slow-life and the beauty is an attraction in itself. If you want to relax and just take it easy for a few days this is the perfect place to do just that.

Driving a motorbike here is awesome too as you have the roads for yourself. Up in north there are curvy roads with steep mountain hills. Really fun to drive there!

You can rent motorbikes at the pier if you are here for a day-trip, if you are staying over the night, most resorts here rent out motorbikes too.

 

Tours 

IMG_5816From the small town east on the island you can rent long-tail boats that will take you on a day trip to Phang Nha national park. A must see when you visit this region of Thailand.

There are several good diving spots around the island. You can rent a long tail boat to take you to those places.

 

Sea food

There are several sea food restaurants at the island. The one I ate on didn’t even have a menu, they just served you whatever they caught that day with cold drinks. Really tasty and super fresh.

 

The coconut garden

Coconut garden
Coconut garden

West on the island you will find an area with rice fields, in the middle of those fields there is a garden that grows coconuts. 20 baht will give you a fresh coconut that you can enjoy after driving around in the heat!

Just north of that garden you will find the pier that you can see in the thumbnail picture of this post.

 

 

 

Cost of living (3/5)

The few resorts that you will find out here is actually quite expensive. That is kind of strange considering how undeveloped this island is. When that is said, these resorts are really top-notch stuff and is located in extremely beautiful surroundings. Just take a good look at these pictures. 😀

Food out here is super cheap. Most of the shops here are Thai food restaurants with regular Thai food. 20-50 baht for a dish with something, when I was eating sea food west on the island I paid 60 baht for food and drink.

Renting motorbikes costs 200 baht per day all over the island. You could probably get that cheaper if you stay here long time.

By the way, the Thai lady and the french guy that I lived with the last night. They had been working in France for a couple of years, saved all their money and bought an awesome property out here.

They built a small motorbike shop on the main road from the pier where the boats from Phuket are coming in. Behind the small motorbike shop they built a big house in between the trees!

So whenever a tourist is coming in from Phuket, the motorbike shop that they built is the first thing they see! Genius!

The shop
The shop
The house
The house

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Safety (5/5)

Nothing to say.

 

Conclusion 

Koh Yao Noi Resort

This is a nice island to visit for some days.

I could imagine bringing a hot Thai girl out here that you found in Phuket would be really awesome. Just fuck all day while you enjoy the beautiful surroundings at the same time. Walk on the beach, chill out, explore the island with motorbikes, fuck some more, go on a boat trip to the national park or eat some delicious fresh seafood.

I know I will be back here some day. 🙂

 

Total Score

Available girls:     1/5
Party situation:   0/5
Stuff do to:           3/5
Cost of Living:      3/5
Safety:                   5/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       12/ 25

Location Report | Thailand – Phuket

Time for another location report here at Goodbye Boring Life. 😀

Today I will tell you about my favorite place on earth. I know it’s a cliche, but there is a reason why Phuket is so popular.

You have the crazy nightlife, hot women everywhere, monger options for a million years, best beaches in the world, endless side trip options, world class food, luxurious resorts, cheap hostels ++. Everything you will ever need you’ll find at this island.

Every time I’ve been in Phuket I’ve had a awesome time. And it’s really one of those places where you can say goodbye to your boring life forever.

Last time I was here, I stayed for free with a Thai girl that I met at Thai Cupid. That saved me for a shit ton of money in accommodation. 😀

Unfortunately, last time I was here there was a big forest fire over in Indonesia and all the smog came over to Phuket. So some og my pictures from Phuket look like shit. 

 

Available girls (6/5)

Regular girls (non hookers)

I’ve already said many times on this site that the further south you go in Thailand, the uglier the local girls get. That is also true for Phuket but what is special here is that people come from all over Thailand to live of the tourism.

You can meet girls here from Chiang Mai (which are the most beautiful girls in Thailand imo). You can meet girls from Bangkok, Sukhothai, Chiang Rai and the Isaan region.

People come from all over Thailand to work here. So that is why Phuket still get a 5/5 rating from me.

Best ways to meet girls in Phuket is to sign up for Thai Cupid before you come here. That way you don’t have to waste any time when you are in paradise looking for girls when you just want to chill on the beach. You can also work up a little harem of girls that are ready to meet you here if you use Thai Cupid. If you don’t like the first girl, you have backup. 😀

Last time I was in Phuket I lived with a Thai girl that I met at Thai Cupid over in Phuket Town. I had a great time and when she had time of work, we went on road trips around the island and even took a 3 days trip to Singapore.

 

Tourist pussy

If a sweaty tourist pussy with a bikini line tan is your thing, you have a lot of opportunities at this island. Phuket is probably the most popular place in Thailand for tourists from the US and Europe. You will find a shit ton of nightclubs and bars that are catering to tourists only, much like Kaosan Rd in Bangkok.

However, if you really want to go crazy with the tourists, you should take the 5 our trip over to Koh Pha Ngan where the Full Moon and Half Moon parties are taking place. Here you have a much bigger concentration of farang pussy.

 

Hookers

IMG_5698

Where do we even start?? 😀 😀

The biggest concentration of bars and go-go bars with hookers are found at Bangla Rd in Patong west on the island. This place is simply madness and you could swim in pussy in this street alone for the rest of your life.

IMG_1031Some of the bar areas in Bangla Rd is at the size of hockey fields. Hundreds of bars with 10-15 girls in each bar, ready to entertain you at any moment. + all the gogo-bars and freelancers along the beach promenade.

Patong is simply nuts.

You also have minor girl bar areas in the other towns in Phuket such as Kata beach and Karon beach.

On the east side of the island there is not much going on that is catering to tourists, but you have some soapy massages that are catering to Thai men. Not to mention all the massage parlous where you could get a happy ending.

 

Party situation (6/5)

In Patong you will find whatever you are looking for. Chill bars, big nightclubs, lounges, beach parties and a lot more.

I will not go in to much detail about the nightlife in Phuket because I’m almost done with a big nightlife guide for Phuket. I will post the link here when I’m done. Stay tuned. 😀

 

Stuff to do (6/5)

This is what I love about Phuket, and why it is my absolute favorite place until now. You have an unlimited amount of stuff to do here. That combined with all the Thai girls that moves here to work in the tourist industry + the craziness of Bangla Rd makes it such a unique place in Thailand. Not to forget that it is a beautiful tropical island. You simply can’t run out of shit to do here.

Phuket is tourist destination nr 1 in Thailand. You can do all the normal tourist activities here. You have 3-4 amazing beaches here with all the typical tourist stuff. Paragliding, jet-skis, beach massage ++

Kata beach some kilometers south of Patong have perfect waves for beginner surfers. A lot of people come here to learn the basics.

 

Side trips

If you are staying in Phuket you have a lot of possibilities for side trips. If you want only a day trip away from Phuket you could go to Phang Nga national park or the islands Koh Yao Noi and Koh Yao Yai. Perfect places for day trips.

Koh Yao Noi have some of the most amazing beaches I have ever seen, and there are almost no tourists out there so you will get them by yourself. Bringing a Thai girl here that you found in Phuket would be really nice. There are some resorts out here that are really hidden and quiet, so if you want to stay more days you could. With or without a Thai girl.

If you want to see how rural Thailand is, without going far from Phuket, go to Koh Yao Yai. People are still living in huts out there and there are almost no establishments. This island doesn’t even have a 7/11, that is crazy because 7/11 is literary everywhere in Thailand. 😛

If you want to travel further, you should definitely check out Phi Phi and Koh Lanta. Perfect for 2-3 day trips. You could also take the boat over to Krabi and stay there some days.

 

Phuket International airport

Another awesome thing about staying in Phuket is the airport. If you stay here you don’t have to fly to Bangkok to get out of Thailand. Phuket have a ton of international flights. Singapore, Hong Kong, Siam Reap, Ho Chi Min to mention some of them. You can also fly to Pattaya and Chiang Mai directly from Phuket. Check Momondo for cheap flights.

 

Other stuff to do in Phuket

Here are some of my favorite things to do in Phuket:

Phuket shooting range – Shoot with guns, rifles, shot guns, machine guns ++. Really fun.
Big Buddha – Travel to the highest mountain in Phuket. There you will find a gigantic Buddha.
Thunk-Ka CafĂ© – Amazing view. You can see big parts of the island here while you eat.
Surfing at Kata beach – Perfect spot for beginners. 100 baht per day for surfing board.
Bang Wad Dam – A slightly chilled place perfect for jogging if you’re into that.

 

Rent motorbike

Average price for renting a motorbike at Phuket is 200 – 250 baht. Go explore every corner of this beautiful island. Good memories!

 

Cost of living (3/5)

Phuket is the most expensive place in Thailand. No wonder considering how popular this island is.

However. It’s mostly accommodation and transport that are expensive. If you can avoid that you could get by just as cheap as other places in Thailand.

Sign up at Thai Cupid, find a Thai girl that will let you stay in her apartment and maybe fuck you for free. There you just saved 4000 baht in accommodation and a hooker per night. 😀 Rent a motorbike and you won’t need to take taxis everywhere either, and stick with the 50 baht Thai food.

If you are lucky, like I was, the Thai girl that you are staying with have a motorbike that you can borrow for free. You see? There are always possibilities in Thailand. 😀

Another aspect of costs in Phuket is that it is so easy to spend money. The tourist areas are designed to suck money out of you. There are stuff to do, stuff to buy, stuff everywhere. 40 baht here, 40 baht there, before you know it you have burned off your entire budget.

In Patong there is a girl ready to suck your dick on every corner, and in the bars there are hot girls everywhere that really know how to suck every baht out of you.

If you are on a budget in Phuket you really need to have some self control, or you will run out of money before you know it.

Find a girl at Thai Cupid, stay with her. Avoid taxis, eat local food and have some self control in the tourist areas. If you can pull that off, you should be fine.

 

Safety (4/5)

Roads

Patong Hill Rd
Patong Hill Rd

Some of the roads in Phuket is fucking nuts. Especially the road from the airport to Patong. To get to Patong you have to drive over a hill. That road is steep as fuck and very heavily trafficked. A lot of buses have crashed in this hill road because of malfunctioning brakes etc.

I would never take a bus over that hill, so be careful. Take a taxi instead. It’s more expensive but who cares. Better to survive than saving money. 😛

Another road that is even more nuts is the mountain road up to Big Buddha. The crazy part is that BUSES are driving up that road. If you want to go up there, rent a motorbike and drive yourself. I would not trust a Thai driver with their “mai bpen rai” attitude in that hill for a million dollars.

 

Thugs

Phuket is the biggest tourist destination in Thailand. A lot of money is flowing around and this will of course attract money hungry thugs.

Most of scams that are going on are simple crimes like theft and robbery. Nothing dangerous but still a bummer to lose all your money, especially if you are stupid enough to travel without travel insurance.

Scams should be simple to avoid as the thugs target mostly tourists that are wasted on alcohol. Just take it easy on the booze if you are traveling around alone. Don’t bring more money out than you need for a night.

There are been some cases where group of Thai thugs have beaten the shit out of tourists. My take on this is that the tourist did something to piss of the thugs. If you avoid being confrontational and loud you will most likely never be subject to their violence.

 

Bombs 

Thailand just had 11 bombs going off different places in south in under 24 hours. Two of these bombs went of in Phuket. I don’t know what to make out of this yet.

Bombs are going off regularly in south, but tourist towns have never been targeted before. This is something new. Lets hope the Thai police will find out what is going on, and lets hope that it never happens again.

 

All in all Phuket is a pretty safe place if you just watch out for the things I have already told you. Be nice, don’t be confrontational, relax and have fun. and you will be just fine. 😀

 

Conclusion

Phuket is absolutely my favorite place in the world right now. This is really an awesome place. You are on a tropical island that have everything a man can dream of. The crazy nightlife, more women you can ever handle, amazing food, first class shopping malls, the nature, the side trips, the wild life, beaches, diving, surfing, all kind of activities, amazing resorts, small hostels, awesome roads for motorbikes, mountain restaurants, monkeys, elephants  ++++.

You will never run out of shit to do here.

It comes for an price, but if you follow my tips about signing up for Thai Cupid and find a girl that you can stay with, show you around and fuck you for free. You can really say goodbye to whatever boring life you had before Phuket. 

Phuket is paradise! 😀

Total Score

Available girls:     6/5
Party situation:   6/5
Stuff do to:           6/5
Cost of Living:      3/5
Safety:                   4/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       25/ 25

Location Report | Thailand – Surat Thani City

Hi guys!

Time for another location report here at Goodbye Boring Life. This time I will tell you about a city that you have probably never heard of. I would never go here either unless my friend got super sick after we had been to Full Moon at Koh Pha Ngan.

He basically passed out on the boat from Koh Pha Ngan to Surat Thani airport. He had to spend three days at the hospital in Surath Thani before the doctors let him take a flight back to Bangkok.

While he was in the the hospital puking and shitting, I was roaming the streets of Surat Thani looking for fun stuff.

I actually expected Surat Thani to be more like Chiang Mai. Because it’s about the same size, and Surat Thani is just in between the airport and Koh Samui, Koh Pha Ngan and Koh Tao. Three big tourist destinations.

However, when I was walking around in Surat Thani I did not see any tourists, and the local people here looked at me like a was from another planet. I have never experienced that in a big city in Thailand such as this. Only when I’ve been far out in nowhere places up in north.

 

Available girls (2/5)

I have to be honest. The further south you go in Thailand, the uglier the girls get on average. Especially outside the tourist areas where just the local Thai people are living. Girls in south are chubby, very dark skinned and of small stature. Their teeth look like they were just thrown inside their mouth and all girls look like they have been raped by mosquitoes.

I also saw a lot of women here that don’t shave any hair! Their legs looks like a mans legs, and some even have hairy arm pits. It’s quite disgusting.

When that is said, it’s still a lot of beautiful girls down here and when you meet a girl that is very dark skinned, but pretty at the same time. It can be some of the most beautiful girls in Thailand imo.

The girls here are also very typical “fresh out of the farm” girls. If you are looking for a really cute and innocent girl that have never been exposed for asshole dudes, money and materialism, this is probably a good city to check out. The girls here are very natural and they won’t be playing games on you like a lot of girls in for example Bangkok will do.

I did take a look at Thai Cupid when I was in Surat Thani. There was some girls there but most of them did not answer before I had already left the city. If you want to hit up girls in this city online, you should start before you even arrive.

 

Hookers

Can’t really make a location report without telling you where the hookers are. I did some research online but I could not find any information about red light activity in this city. I started to loose hope, but then I did what you should never do in Thailand. I jumped inside a tuktuk and said “sexy girls” with a dirty smile on my face. 😀

Hookers in Surat ThaniThe driver drove me to a shop that was advertising Thai massage and Oil massage on the outside. But I understood fast that this place had more exiting stuff on the meny. The red lights and the mini fishbowl inside with 4-6 girls really gave it away easily.

I pretended that I had no idea what was going on at this place, and just said in a innocent way that I wanted an oil massage by one of the girls. 😀

I ended up going up stairs with a skinny white skinned girl with short hair. She was not a stunner compared to the girls in Pattaya and Phuket. But she absolutely did a great job emptying my ball sack. I mounted her hard in every position and finished of with my signature face painting. It was beautiful.  😀

The total bill ended up at 2600 baht, something I think is quite expensive considering I was in a a small city with no tourists.

But then again, this place was catering to Thai men, and the girl was white skinned (high status in Thailand). That is why she was so expensive. If I had taken some of the dark skinned girls I would probably get it for half of that price.

Check map under for exact location for this place.

 

Party situation (2/5)

I did find some bars and nightclubs in the city. I also heard rumors of a big nightclub that was very much like Tawan Deng in Chiang Mai and Bangkok. But I never got the time to go there.

I did go to the smaller bars and nightclubs. There was one street that had around 6 different bars and nightclubs catering to Thai people.

I actually had a blast here, and at the end of the night I had 4 Thai girls around me that was fucking around giving me all the attention. We got drunk as fuck and I could probably score with some of those girls. It’s just that I had been cumming a hooker in the face 2 hours earlier so I was already happy. 😀 😛

The Pool Bar
The Pool Bar

I would imagine that you could score some serious pussy here if you talk basic Thai. I did talk basic Thai with these people, and the reaction I got was crazy. You would never get that kind of reaction or attention in for example Bangkok or Pattaya.

I guess these people don’t see white farangs in their bars very often, and when it finally comes one around, that speaks some Thai, they just go nuts. 😀

If you go here you should absolutely check out ‘The Pool Bar’. This place was filled up to the brink with young Thai people and the vibe here was really good. Prepare to drink local cheap Thai whisky.

 

Stuff to do (2/5)

Sunday marked

Sunday Marked
Sunday Marked

There was a quite big Sunday marked in this town. It was awesome because I got a shit ton of attention from all the girls there, and every time I walked past a vendor I could here someone whispering ‘farang’ in the background while they were laughing.

I talked with one girl for a long time, and she agreed to meet me the next day to show me some temples in town. This never happened because my friend got out of hospital that day and we had to go back to Bangkok to meet the others.

But I’m pretty sure I could get that girl back to my hotel and bang her all day long. She was a 20 year old ‘fresh from the farm’ cutie with no built up shield against a player like me. She would go straight in the trap. 😀

Another crazy thing about this marked was the cars! All the way back at a big grass field I found 10-20 cars that just looked fucking bad ass. They were all filled with speakers, neon-lights and all of them played music from the same radio channel. It was bad ass.

Wacky cars

 

Temples

The city have some temples, and I did see one temple from a taxi trip that looked really awesome. I never got the time to check it out but I certainly would if I had the time.

 

The islands

Can’t really forget about the islands. If you stay in Surat Thani, or live here long time. You could always travel out to Koh Samui, Koh Pga Ngan and Koh Tao. If you take the speed boat all islands are maximum 3 hours away.

 

Cost of living (5/5)

This place is dirt cheap! The hotel I stayed on was a totally fresh 4 star hotel that looked awesome. The hotel name was Rhienchai Place and you can find it here on Agoda. It was 400 baht per night! That is cheap!

Food was also dirt cheap. I only ate local Thai food in this city and I pretty much payed 30-50 baht per dish everywhere. That was with water included. Tasty, healthy and cheap! Can it be more perfect than that? 🙂

If you saved up some money back home, you could probably stay in this city for a very long time without lifting a finger.

 

Safety (5/5)

I have nothing to point out for this location report. This city seems like a pretty calm and safe place to stay at. Nothing to watch out for in particular if you ask me.

The only way you could fuck up in this city is to become enemies with some local Thai dudes by hitting on their girlfriends in one of the bars, or by just being a complete dick.

Other then that, let yourself loose. 😀

The taxi drivers was kind of pushy tho, and they gave me some ridiculous prices at times. Something tells me that they don’t see tourists that much, and when one is finally coming by they see their shot to make some extra bucks. Can’t really blame them.

 

Conclusion

So what can I say about this city?

I think it would be really awesome one time, to go to this city until I found a really cute dark skinned girl fresh from the farm, get to know her and bring her out to the islands. Just have fun, fuck all day and go on road trips.

This city is really ideal for that purpose, it’s dirt cheap and even tho there are a lot of ugly girls here, there are so many people here that there is a lot of hot girls too!

Other that that, it’s much not else to do in this city I think.

You have some monger options, but you would run out of girls literally after one week.

 

Total Score

Available girls: 2/5
Party situation: 2/5
Stuff to do: 2/5
Cost of living: 5/5
Safety: 5/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       14 / 20

 

 

Location Report | Thailand – Pattaya

Pattaya is the sex capital of the world. No other place on this planet do you have a higher concentration of hookers that are ready to entertain you at any time of the day than here.

It’s hard to estimate just how many hookers there are in this city, but I read somewhere that Pattaya have around 2000 beer bars. An average a beer bar have around 5-10 hookers. Then you also have all the Go-go bars and the endless amount of massage shops that have happy ending available. Not to mention all the freelancers at beach Rd.

I think it’s safe to say that Pattaya have a minimum of 30.000 girls ready to entertain you, every day all year around. That is really something unique!

Pattaya

 

Available girls (6/5)

Yes. I’ll give Pattaya a 6 out of 5 score. I know it’s impossible but when you arrive Pattaya you wont believe what you are seeing. I think it is a fitting score to give Pattaya. 😀

If you come to Thailand as a sex tourist and just want to go completely nuts. Pattaya is where you have to go. As I already mentioned, Pattaya is the sex capital of world and no matter what your needs are, you’ll find it in this city.

Ladyboys? Young petite girls? Russian hookers with attitude? Gay Thai men? An old exhausted freelance hookers for 500 baht a night? Africans? Or maybe dwarfs? Don’t worry, Pattaya has it all.

 

Hookers

Want a smoking hot 10 to entertain you all night? No problem. Just go to the Go-go bars of Walking street, and pick the girl that you like the most for roughly 3000 baht long time.

Are you happy with a 7-8 with good attitude you should get your ass over to Soi 6 at the other side of town, pick your girl and take her upstairs for roughly 1000 baht (yes, the bars at soi 6 have their own rooms where you can bring your temporary sex toy). Can’t really be more convenient than that, can it? 😀

Soi 6

Good girls

This is were this city loose some points with me. I do enjoy going with hookers at times, but I prefer to date good girls and giiks (fuck friends). In Pattaya that is not really an option. If you meet a girl here that is decent looking, there is a good probability that she is working in a Go-go bar or beer bar. Or that she has in the past, or that she is planning to do it.

You might meet a good girl, but I know if I did I would be super paranoid that she actually was a part time hooker. I would never drop the condom with a good girl in Pattaya, at least as long as she lived there. I don’t want HIV or some strange tropical disease that no one have ever heard of.

If you are looking for a girlfriend or a wife, you should go somewhere else. Like Bangkok or Chiang Mai up in north. 90% of the people who lives here comes from other places in Thailand, and almost everyone work in the tourist business. So that is what most people here will treat you as, a tourist.

If you just want to go nuts and fuck as many girls as humanly possible on your three weeks holiday. You are on the right place. 😀

Check out how you can plan your sex holiday here.

 

Party situation (5/5)

I won’t be making a nightlife guide for Pattaya. Because no matter where you are in Pattaya there will be something happening. The entire town is just one gigantic whorehouse 24/7.

Another aspect of this is that a Go-go bar that was good on Monday, might suck on Tuesday. And a beer bar that was full of hot girls on Friday, might be almost empty on Saturday. Stuff happens fast in Pattaya and a bar that might be running well all week might suddenly close because they didn’t bribe the police.

Bars open and close everyday in this city.

My best tips for finding hot women in Pattaya is to just walk around until you find one. 😀 It’s really that simple. People will push you to stay longer in bars etc, but if there is no hot women inside, just pay your bill and try the bar 5 meters away.

Maybe I’ll make a nightlife guide for Pattaya on a later point, but right now I don’t see the point to be honest.

 

Stuff to do (4/5)

I have to be honest. Every time I’ve been going to Pattaya I have only been doing two things. That is drinking alcohol and fucking hookers at night.

Pattaya do have a beach, but I don’t like it that much. The beach can be littered at times, and the amount of street sellers that constantly try to sell you stuff you don’t need can be very annoying. You can’t relax for 1 minute before someone is trying to sell you fake sunglasses, stupid hats or dying flowers.

The good news is that there is one pretty good island just outside Pattaya, so if you need a break from the madness I absolutely recommend you going there. Maybe you can even bring one of the hookers you met the night before for company? Everything is possible in Pattayaland. 😀

Other than that you have all the normal tourist activities like jet-skis, paragliding, parks, zoo’s etc.. But lets be honest, you didn’t go to Pattaya do to that stuff, right? 😀

If Pattaya gets to intense for you, and trust me, it does from many people. You can always take the trip from Pattaya to Phuket with Bangkok airways. There is a direct flight from Pattaya airport to Phuket International Airport everyday at 1.00 pm.

 

Cost of living (4/5)

Pattaya is not the cheapest town in Thailand, but considering what you get for your money (basically a whore house on the size of a city), it’s not that bad after all.

Accommodation

You can get a good condo close to the action with air-con, free wifi and gym for about 10.000 baht a month short term. I have yet to find a webpage that offers apartments in Pattaya.

You could try one of these three things:

  • Craigslist
  • Message a Thai girl and ask her for help. Read my post How To Meet Thai Girls for more tips about this.
  • Hit the streets. Go to Pattaya, rent a cheap hotel for a night then walk the Sois and look for yourself.

Food

Steak at beefeater
Steak at beefeater

Thai food is very cheap and if you eat in the basic street restaurants you’ll get a dinner for 50-100 baht.

However, there are a lot of good restaurants in town that sell high quality western food like steaks, burgers and pizza. It’s hard to not get tempted so your average daily budget on food will probably be higher than 100 baht dinners.

One of the best steaks I ever had I had in Pattaya at beefeater close to Mikes shopping mall. It will set you back almost 1000 baht but god damn is it worth it!

 

Here is the problem with Pattaya when it comes to cost of living

PattayaThere is just to much temptations everywhere! People have literally jumped to death in Pattaya because they lost control, fucked a million girls on 10 different credit cards and then not been able to pay it back.

Instead of going home, work, make money and return later. They have just kept on going until every bank account and credit card is empty. Some jump off buildings while others become homeless losers in Pattaya. 

If you want to move here permanently on a budget you better have some self-control and discipline. If not you can end up like those looser that jumps of buildings pretty damn fast.

 

Safety (4/5)

I think Pattaya is a pretty safe place to stay in considering what is going on in this city! The city is complete madness with non stop parties and available girls for entertainment.

The biggest safety risk for any man in this city has to be what I have already talked about, losing control and just go completely nuts with hookers without having the money for it.

There are also a lot of tourists here that gets killed in traffic because they are stupid enough to drive 1000cc sport bikes when drunk. Don’t do that, you don’t want to end up at a street corner with your brain cut in half. Don’t be that guy…

And please, don’t be that naive idiot that falls in love with some gold digging whore that pretends to be a good girl, just to send her 10.000 baht a month as soon as you get home to “keep her”. As soon as you fly home, another boyfriend flies in.

Jet-ski scam

You should not rent jet-skis in Pattaya (or phuket). There is a popular scam here towards clueless tourists.

You rent a jet-ski, and when you deliver it back the Thai dude that you rented it from will say that you damaged the jet-ski and have to pay for the damages.

If you try to get away or say that you did not damage it, the police will come. The only problem is that the police are on the scammers side as they get a cut from the money you’ll have to pay for the damage.

That sucks, because that is money that you could have spent on sexy Thai hookers instead. 🙁

See more here.

Other

Other than that there is all the regular scams in town that are normal for popular tourist destinations. There is a lot of money in this city and the thugs and robbers will of course go here rather than Sukhothai.

Keep your money safe, don’t flash with money anywhere and don’t get so drunk that you can’t take care of yourself. Don’t be naive and remember to use condoms with the hookers.

If you can do that, you will get home again in one piece. I promise! 😀

 

Conclusion 

If you just want to go completely nuts, and have sex with more women than the most famous rock stars of this planet. Pattaya is absolutely a place you should go, and a place where you can say goodbye to your boring life permanently or for a period.

The city has a relative good infrastructure with the baht bus taking you all over town for only 10 baht per trip! It got a beach, and if you need a break from the madness you can always take a trip out to the island Koh Lan just outside Pattaya.

If you want to find good girls, you can still live in Pattaya banging hookers while you flirt with good girls in Bangkok on Thai Cupid. When you find a girl that you really like, you can just jump on a bus to Bangkok for the weekend.

Bangkok is only two hours away with bus, where you can fly anywhere in southeast Asia for under 4000 baht together with your good girl you just met. 😀

Total Score

Available girls:     6/5
Party situation:   5/5
Stuff do to:           4/5
Cost of Living:      4/5
Safety:                   4/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       23 / 25

 

I’m really interested to hear what you think about Pattaya. If you have been there, please comment in the comment section under.

 

Location Report | Thailand – Bangkok


I’ve really been looking forward to make a location review for Bangkok. This is one of my favorite cities in the entire world. I just spent 6 weeks here (minus some day trips here and there), so I have a lot of stuff to talk about.. 😀

Let me just be crystal clear:

No other place on earth can you find as much hot Asian girls as you can in this city.

Every time I’ll go Bangkok I always bring up my trusty Thai Cupid a couple of weeks before arrival just so I have some girls ready on my hand. 😀

This city is so big that it’s hard to grasp. 20 million people live here, and many of them are young Asian girls in their twenties that comes for either work or study.

 

Available girls (6/5)

Where do I even start? This city has enough pussy to make a man go crazy for a million years. I will give Bangkok a 6 out of 5 score. I know that is impossible but I don’t care. 😀

I’ve met girls here from all corners of Thailand. I’ve met girls from China, Japan, South-Korea, Singapore and Cambodia. If you like farang pussy you have a lot of alternatives to as Bangkok have a couple of nightlife districts filled with tourists from all over the world.

If you are planning to visit Bangkok in the near future I recommend from the bottom of my heart that you sign up for Thai Cupid. It’s not a free service if you want all the functionalities but damn it’s worth the money if you want to bang a lot of hot girls.

With Thai Cupid you can do some real pre-work, and when you arrive you can have 10 dates ready for 10 days in a row. That’s no bullshit! I’ve done something similar myself. It was exhausting but damn it was fun!

This time I ended up finding a real cutie that I spent my entire time with while I was in Bangkok. She even let me stay in her apartment for free! A really sexy women with a good vibe and personality. I would marry her if I was ready for that shit!

After three days with her I got sick of using condoms, so I took her to the Red Cross Clinic and got us tested for HIV. She was clean and we had awesome condom free sex until I left Bangkok.

Need to calm down!
Need to calm down!

She was not only hot, but a real banger in bed. Something you don’t come across everyday. That is for sure! We had so much sex that I got bruises on my knees.

If you want to be a player (Thais call it a ‘butterfly’) Bangkok is a great city for that! The city is so big that you will never stumble upon a girl that you fucked yesterday if you are with another girl out in public the next day. You can really go nuts here.

Just be smart and don’t go to the same restaurants and sois with different girls.

Where do you find hot women if you’re already in Bangkok when reading this?

Dont worry, this is Bangkok. There is always possibilities here. Here are some of my techniques for a fast date!

Universities

I would just pull up google maps, find out where all the universities are in Bangkok. Then I would go there and hang out in the coffee shops and restaurants close by. Read how you can get almost any Thai girl here.

Tinder

I’ve been having a lot of luck with Tinder in Bangkok. Tinder is not that popular in Thailand, but in Bangkok there are so many people that you will always find someone.

Personally I hate to write on mobile phones so I try to avoid using Tinder. The keyboard is just to fucking small and I loose my patience. But if you are okey with that you should absolutely give it a try with Tinder. I rather pull up my Thai Cupid on a laptop. I usually take a Tinder session when I’m taking a dump. 😀

Hotel receptions

Staying at a hotel? Why not ask that cute receptionist out? However, you will not be able to bring her back to the hotel that she is working on. I usually ask them if I can see their apartment, then I take it from there. 🙂

Another good thing with receptionists is that they usually talk very good English.

Shopping malls

Bangkok have a ridiculous amount of shopping malls. They are filled with bored girls that are just waiting for something exciting to happen. Like meeting a handsome farang like yourself! 😀

I would stay away from the most popular malls like Siam Center, Siam Paragon, MBK, Central World and Terminal 21. The reason for this is that these malls are usually always full of people and it might be hard to get the girls alone.

Some less popular malls are Time Square just next to Sukhumvit soi 12 at Asok, another one is at Ekkemai next to Sukhumvit soi 42. I don’t know the name of that second mall at Ekkemai, but it is a big brown building. Should be easy to spot. These malls are empty most of the day and you will find a lot of bored Thai girls here. 🙂

Hookers

If you’re not interested in the foreplay and just want to go straight to business Bangkok have a lot of hookers ready to entertain you at any time! CremĂ© de la cremĂ© of Thai hookers will go to Bangkok. Bangkok is were the money is and hot girls can make a lot of money here.

Be ready to see some really sexy girls if you venture into the red light districts!

Bangkok’s most famous red light districts are Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Patpong. You can read more about that in my “Bangkok Nightlife Guide” here.

If you are lazy, you don’t even have to leave your hotel / apartment to get som pussy in this city. Just call up one of Bangkok’s many Escort services, and a women will be at your door whenever you need it.

Sukhumvit Rd

Party situation (5/5)

Bangkok have something for everyone. Want to party hard in fully stocked nightclubs? Or maybe just relax with a beer at a jazzbar? What about playing pool with like minded, or visiting one of Bangkoks countless Go-go bars?

No matter what you are looking for, you’ll find it in Bangkok. Bangkok have an amazing nightlife.

I already made a nightlife guide for Bangkok here, so I will not go into detail in this post.

If you are not into the red-light stuff and the hookers you will be fine. The red lights are pretty isolated to certain areas, just avoid these areas and you will be fine.

 

Stuff to do (5/5)

You never run out of stuff to do in Bangkok. There is always something new to do.

There are excellent parks, gigantic shopping malls, gyms, world class cinemas, temples, nightclubs, sky bars, history, museums, hookers, massage shops, festivals, concerts halls and much more to explore.

If you are tired or just want to relax you can sit down in an outdoor pub in a busy street and just watch people. There are a lot of interesting characters in Bangkok if you just take a look!

The only thing that is missing in Bangkok is a beach! If Bangkok had that it would be a perfect place to live!

I will still give Bangkok a 5 out of 5. Beaches are just 2-3 hours away. If you need to see the ocean you can just take a day trip or a night over in Pattaya or Hua Hin. Then get right back into the action in Bangkok!

 

Cost of Living (4/5)

Bangkok is not the cheapest town in Thailand for sure. However, considering what you get for the money (a gigantic city with whatever you need, whenever you need it), it is absolutely worth the extra money.

Accommodation

I rented a furnished apartment with AC and shared swimming pool + free gym close by for about 8000 baht a month + 30.000 baht in depositum. This was at Asok just 200m from Asok BTS station (skytrain).

I rented it for only two months so if I was staying longer I could probably get a better deal.

Food

It’s really hard to tell what food costs in Bangkok. You can go as cheap and as expensive as you want.

I dish with rice, meat and some vegetables usually costs about 50 baht in the street restaurants. The same dish in one of the shopping malls like Terminal 21 or Siam Center will probably cost 4-6 times more.

If you want to eat with style, and enjoy that same Thai dish at one of Bangkok’s many sky bars, you probably have to pay from 500-1000 baht for the dish.

It’s really up to you!

The best burger I ever ate I ate in Bangkok. The restaurant is called Firehouse. Click here for location at Google Maps. I usually eat the premium burger with cheddar cheese and crispy bacon. It’s simply porn for you mouth.

If you are broke, and really need to save every dime. You always have 7/11. I once lived on 25 baht toasts at 7/11 because I lost my debit card! I had to borrow money from a Thai girl until I could get a new card sent to me. I only ate noddles and toasts from 7/11 lol


Transport

Getting around in Bangkok can be a nightmare at times, but if you live near the sky train you just cruise over all the bad traffic jams straight to your destination.

Taxis in Bangkok are so cheap that I don’t understand how they can make a profit. Don’t they have to pay for gas and maintenance? I don’t get it..

A taxi ride inside Bangkok never get higher than 300 baht! Just make sure that you get a taxi driver that will use his meter and not a fixed price. A fixed price will always be more expensive for you!

If you are going somewhere and there is no sky train to that place, just take the sky train to the station that is closest to your destination and jump on a motorbike from there. It is really that easy!

 

Safety (4/5)

I’ve never had any problem in Bangkok with anything. I have been in pretty much every corner of Bangkok at all times of day. Never had any problem or felt threatened in any way.

There are no slums or ghettos in Bangkok, and no particular dangerous places to watch out for. You can go wherever you want without worrying about going into a bad area. There are street dogs here and there, especially in smaller side streets. Most of the time they are no problem, but some of them can turn aggressive at night.

I actually feel safer in Bangkok at night than I do in the capital of my own country (Oslo, Norway).

I would say that the biggest risk of living in Bangkok is the pollution and the insane noise pollution. Motorbikes with broken mufflers are driving by every minute and you can’t walk far before you walk past a construction zone with some poor Thai guy raping his ears with a jackhammer.

There are scams here and there, but it’s usually just petty scams like theft or overpriced stuff. Nothing really bad or dangerous.

Bangkok had a bomb going of some time ago in a busy street and a lot of people died. I would not worry about that happening again. From what I understand that was an isolated event and will probably not happen again. Terror can happen everywhere anyways..

If you are a guy, you will be approached by Thai men that will offer ladies, boom boom, free tuktuk rides and other stuff that is just to good to be true. Just ignore them and you wont be lured in to a scam.

 

Conclusion

So, why haven’t I moved to Bangkok permanently if I only have good things to say about the city?

It's hard to get anywhere in this city!
Human traffic jam at Siam

Here is the catch:

The city is just too damn crowded. Bangkok is good for a period, but after some weeks in this city you just have to get out for some air! Bangkok is claustrophobic if you stay here to long.

When you are walking up and down Sukhumvit Road you can’t even see the sky because there are skyscrapers and highways build in floors over you!

That combined with endless traffic jams and people literally everywhere can really suck the energy out of you.

Bangkok is good for 3-5 weeks, but I could never live here permanently. It’s just too crowded and too much of everything.

When that is said. Every time I have stayed in Bangkok I had a blast. There is always something interesting happening and there is always a lady ready to entertain you. You can’t really get bored here.

Total Score

Available girls:     6/5
Party situation:   5/5
Stuff do to:           5/5
Cost of Living:      4/5
Safety:                   4/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       24 / 25

Location Report | Thailand – Koh Pha Ngan

Koh Pha Ngan is a big island in the southern Gulf of Thailand. Its just north of Koh Samui and south of Koh Tao. It’s a popular place for backpackers, divers, families and has a pretty solid reputation for being a party destination. More on that later.

The north end of the island seems to be mostly populated by divers and families, while south is populated by backpackers that wants to go crazy with parties, alcohol and drugs.

After spending one week at Koh Pha Ngan with some friends from Europe, I ended up having very mixed feeling about this island.

I kind of love it and hate it at the same time.

The island is very beautiful. It has amazing beaches, big undeveloped areas with deep jungle, hills and mountains and a lot of stuff to explore. Renting a motorbike at this island is awesome.

Bottle Beach
Bottle Beach
Mae Haad Beach
Mae Haad Beach

At the same time, the island is filled up with teens, young adults, backpackers and other idiots that drinks like maniacs, pukes, shits, pees and pass out everywhere. That is what I hate about this island. I like to party, but that type of party is not my style.

The locals at the island is less friendly than other parts of Thailand. Something tells me that they are pretty fed up with the non-stop rotation of tourists that comes here all year just to trash their island. I guess they deal with it because its good money for the local people.

Anyways..! Lets start the review! 😀

Available girls (3/5)

Lets start with the most important!

If farang pussy is your style, this island will be a paradise for you. Koh Pha Ngan has an never ending rotation of young tourists that comes in for Half Moon Party and Full Moon Party. They come, get drunk as fuck, then leave.

Hitting up with some farang chick at this island should not be too hard. I fucked a Swedish girl in her bungalow after I drove her back to her hostel to pick up money for a tattoo (I was taking tattoo too). She was pretty hot, but drunk and smelly. I was drunk myself so I did not give a shit. 🙂

Between the festivals the island is pretty dead, especially in the low season. To find farang pussy you should stay at Thong Sala or Haad Rin. This is were all the parties are. Cheap hostels are hotspots if you want tourist pussy.

 

Local women

The further south you go in Thailand, the uglier the women gets. It’s sad to say it but it’s true. Women in south tends to be more chubby and dark skinned. If that is your style everything should be fine, but I like the girls up in north much more.

Thai people at this island is not as nice and friendly as the rest of Thailand. I suspect that they have developed some kind of shield towards tourists. I totally understand that after attending Full Moon Party.

I found it hard to chat up the local women here. I’m not saying it is impossible, just saying it was harder. Even speaking Thai did not make them smile like they do elsewhere.

I did see a lot of farang men with hot Thai chicks on the back of the motorbike. Where they found them I’m not sure about


 

Hookers

If you did not have any luck with ThaiCupid, Tinder, chatting up a local girl at the island or a smelly drunk Swedish girl. There is always backup! 😀

You can find beerbars with available girls on the main road between Thong Sala and Haad Rin. There is a cluster of about 20 beer bars. They are hard to miss because it will be standing half naked Thai hookers out in the street yelling at you from about 19.00 until 02.00. Prime time seems to be around 22.00.

Beerbars at Koh Pha Ngan
Beerbars at Koh Pha Ngan

The girls here are not that hot really, and there was ALOT of ladyboys for some reason. Something tells me that all the hot girls get their ass to Pattaya or Bangkok, where they can make some real money. Most of the hookers at Koh Pha Ngan were pretty chubby. I did see two hookers that I could put my dick in if it was a complete emergency.

Barfine: 400 baht
Short-time: 1000 baht
Long-time: 1000 baht (desperate for money in low season I guess)

In Haad Rin some of the massage studios offer extra service. I got a pretty good blowjob here. Just look for the massage studio that yell the loudest.

 

Party situation (4/5)

There are three big events on Koh Pha Ngan every month. Half Moon Festival is deep inside the jungle between Thong Sala and Haad Rin two times a month. Full Moon is at the Haad Rin beach once a month.

 

Full Moon Party

I have to be honest, I did not like this party at all because it was a total trash party. People behave like complete maniacs. People shit, puke, pee, and pass out everywhere. The beach was completely crowded and it was impossible to get anywhere. You can hear different music from several speakers at the same time. The whole concept is just a mess.

I do recommend trying it one time, just to have experienced it, but one time was more then enough for me. If I ever get back to this island when there is a full moon party, I will seek refuge at the other side of the island while it’s ongoing. 😀

 

Half Moon Festival

This party was actually good. It costs 1000 baht for the ticket. And it’s easy to see where the money are going. The sound system at the main scene was amazing. All the decoration they did around in the threes and surroundings was awesome too. Half Moon Party is not a total trash party like the Full Moon Party.

20160713_030347 People were much more in party mode at this festival. I did not see anyone puking and passing out in the festival area like at the Full Moon. There are security that goes around watching people. You even get free water and snacks at the medic tent if you feel tired. Pretty awesome.

Hookers at Half Moon Festival

If you didn’t have any luck with that smelly Swedish girl at the main scene. There will be standing hookers at the road up to the main scene. They are easy to spot, because their skirts leave nothing to the fantasy and they will just stare out in the nothingness waiting for farang dick.

I asked some of the girls what they wanted for a full night. Some said 1500 baht, others said 2500 baht. She will party with you as long as you wish, then join you to your bungalow.

Cost of Living (4/5)

Accommodation: When I was here I stayed at a hostel for 400 baht per night. If you want to stay here long time I’m sure you could make a deal with one of the hostels for a good monthly rate.

Food: I only ate food at the local Thai food restaurants. I spent around 100-150 baht per meal to get full. 3-4 meals per day. Not that bad really.

Motorbikes: I paid 150 baht per day for my motorbike at my hostel. I’m sure you can get a better deal if you want to rent a bike long time.

I rented a dirt bike some of the days too. Daily rent was 250 baht.

 

Safety (3/5)

A lot of crazy stuff happens on this island because of all the drinking and young adults fucking around. You should be a little street smart here. Here are my observations:

 

Roads, taxis and motorbikes

Haad Rin hills
You don’t want to crash here…

Rent a motorbike instead of taking taxis everywhere. There is some insane hill roads here that are super steep and dangerous, especially the mountain road from Thong Sala to Haad Rin. You will also save a ton of money.

Renting a motorbike costs between 150-250 baht per day. Taking a taxi from Thong Sala to Haad Rin is minimum 400 baht if you travel alone.

A lot of the taxi drivers drive like maniacs on these roads. If the breaks malfunction in one of the steep hills you are pretty much history.

When it is full moon party in Haad Rin, taxi drivers drive as fast as they can from Haad Rin to Thong Sala. The more poeple they can drive, the more money they make.

If you participate at the Full Moon party, make sure to book a hotel / hostel in Haad Rin, and not in Thong Sala. That way you don’t have to take a taxi back home at night in the hills.

I talked with a nurse at a hospital, and she said that every time there is a Full Moon party at Haad Rin, people die and get badly hurt in that hill road. The taxi drivers put as many people as possible in these taxis, 100 baht per person. Some months ago a taxi went outside a hill, and 12 people died. This is no joke.

When you drive motorbike you should take it easy. The roads here have varying quality. You can be driving on a perfect road, then suddenly you hit a hole in the road and crash. There is a lot of dust and gravel on the roads, so take it easy in the curves.

The hospitals are filled up with people with big cuts and broken bones because they fucked up when driving motorbike. Not only that, the motorbikes here are not insured. If you wreck a motorbike, you have to pay for new one. The motorbike I was driving cost 60.000 baht new.

 

Street dogs

Thailand have a lot of street dogs, but this island is infested with street dogs. They are everywhere. Most of the time they are no problem, but at night a lot of dogs turn aggressive because they want to defend their territory. The dogs are outside malls, 7/11’s, hotels, hostels, bars, in the middle of the street. If you drive a motorbike at night, some dogs will chase you.

I got attacked one time outside my hostel by 7 dogs at night when I came back from drinking. They barked and tried to bite my pants. I had to jump up on a pool table, take a pool cue, and hit one of the dogs on the back, then they backed off


If you get aggressive attention from a pack of dogs. Don’t run, don’t look afraid, and don’t look them in the eyes. Just walk away slowly and try to get up somewhere they can’t reach you.

There is one exception, and that is pit-bulls and rottweilers, if they attack you. RUN. They will not only bite, but lock their jaws and twist their necks until your muscles get ripped out of your leg.

 

Local people

Local people are mostly friendly, but at night you will see young Thai men in groups just doing nothing. Some of these men are looking for drunk farangs that they can steal from.

A lot of the locals at this island is fed up with the tourists, and the threshold for some of these guys to attack you are pretty low. Some time ago a tourist was stabbed to death by a group of aggressive Thai men when he tried to break up a fight.

If you see these groups, don’t look at them, don’t to anything disrespectful and don’t walk alone. If you are very drunk they might target you. If possible, take another route home to avoid them. I lot of people on this island have had a bad experience with tourists, and have, in their head, a good reason to hate all tourists.

 

Buckets

Try to avoid them. Why? When there is a half moon / full moon the locals goes around on the beach picking up used buckets, then put them right back into rotation. I did take a look into some of the buckets that were about to be sold. They were full of sand and other shit. The local people will not bother to clean the buckets. A lot of people get diarrhea and other weird infection symptoms after drinking the buckets.

Order a cup instead, they are always sold new (clean).

I was here with three of my friends. All of them were sick for two days after the Full Moon Party with stomach pain and diarrhea. All of us drank the same amount of alcohol and ate the same food. They drank the buckets, I did not.

When we were going back to Bangkok, one of my friends got really sick one more time. This time with severe stomach pain and fever. I had to cancel my flight back to Bangkok to stay with him. While he was in hospital for three days, I was roaming the streets of Surat Thani city. You can read my location review here. 😀

Travel insurance

Make sure to have travel insurance when you are visiting Koh Pha Ngan. If you pass out at Full Moon and someone have to bring you to a hospital, most of the hospitals here are private. A night at First Western Hospital in Thong Sala will set you back 25.000 – 50.000 baht, depending on what treatment you’ll need.

A lot of people get drugged at Full Moon Party, just to wake up the next day in a hospital bed with a 40.000 baht bill. Not fun if you don’t have travel insurance. 🙁

UPDATE

I just learned some really serious stuff. My brother was at Full Moon party recently. He told me that the hospitals at Koh Pha Ngan have started to reject people that comes in at night IF they don’t have any ID or proof of travel insurance.

My brother said that unconscious pasients came to the hospital, but the hospital rejected them and told the dependents to bring the unconscious person to the Red Cross tent instead. I’ve seen that Red Cross tent and the medical care is very limited there.

Always remember your ID and travel insurance card when attending Full Moon Party.

Conclusion

If you just want to live the hakuna matata lifestyle this island is as good as it gets. You got the beaches, the big undeveloped areas and a lot of fun hill roads to drive motorbikes. You can rent scooters, dirt bikes, sport bikes, harleys. Whatever suits you best. Occasionally you have some pretty big events where you can let loose and party like there is no tomorrow!

Most Thai people here are very laidback, if relaxing is your goal, go to Koh Pha Ngan!

Yeah, the full moon sucks, and at this day you should be a little street smart, but that party is just once a month, so it’s not that big of a deal. Just hide at the other side of the island if it gets to crowded.

If you feel that you have to go somewhere else. You have Koh Samui and Koh Tao just next door. With speedboat it takes about one hour to both islands. At Koh Samui you even have an airport with flights to Bangkok, Phuket, Krabi, Hong Kong and Singapore.

If you find a local hot women at this island you can really live the dream life. Chill on the beach every day, eat cheap and delicious Thai food three times a day, have sex every night and party like a maniac 2-3 times a month. What more can you really ask for?

Renting a motorbike is a must. My best memories from this island will be when I was just cruising around with no plan at all.

20160714_154415

Total Score

Available girls: 3/5
Party situation: 4/5
Cost of living: 4/5
Safety: 3/5

Goodbye Boring Life Score: 

       14 / 20

Bonus

If you want to try some really tasty Thai food. There is an awesome Thai restaurant here. I had like 6 different dishes here and I ate until it was painful. I went here with some local Thai people, it is absolutely a hidden jewel.